I was attempted to hire a motor bike. I had this moment of freedom and daring excitement going on at the same time. I was in a motorbike shop in Pattaya, Thailand for over an hour staring at this beautiful sexy, daring and dirty man who wanted to take control of me. This man kept sending me exciting, sexy, naughty and daring messages telepathically he was called “The Harley Davidson machine” looking at me for a very long time and wanting to take me out and introduce me to a wide dirty stretch road and play with me. Riding and listening to “Born to be wild” travelling from Pattaya, Thailand to Vietnam feeling highly satisfied and contented with life.
You know that feeling, the feeling that there are some things in life which is better than sex. That’s one of them. That feeling you get when you’re holding and gripping as tightly as possible, those handle bars that you feel entice by…. listening and seeing that black leather and shiny metal to that sexy man machine “roaring” and “roaring” with excitement – when you feel that vibrating click of the gear changing and when you’re avoiding those disgusting mother fucking pot holes. You’re going across country gasping for liquid because your thirsty with excitement, but you can’t stop because those mother fucker sneaks are larking around looking for supper; so you keep on going and going till you only stop because your desperate for that cold water slithering down your throat that feeling of survival, that feeling of living on the edge that dwelling rush of feeling high on life. That smell you get when you’re so so “hot” and your sweating like a pig and sweat pouring down your face, your body is sticking and stinking, you know it, that dwelling rush kicks in that you couldn’t even get from drugs . That dwelling rush that your sure you couldn’t get no matter how good sex is.
Remember from the beginning of this story how I told you I was attempting to hire a Harley Davison bike and when this beautiful sexy, daring and dirty man wanted to take control of me. This man kept sending me exciting, sexy, naughty and daring messages telepathically he was called “The Harley Davidson machine but, then I remembered coming off the bike in 2006. That exciting moment didn’t last for long. But, I wanted to share my thoughts within that time I was in the motorbike shop. but instead I end up on the back of a clapped out scrappy motorbike taxi going towards Big C shopping centre in Pattaya in heavy traffic for half an hour to get my eye lashes done got there …. the shop had closed.
I guess we can’t always get what we want?
Moore's Story 
Deepest condolences for the loss of your friend.
Thank you she’s no longer in pain x
hiya Antonia,
I know you did tell me about the stomach pumping episode, but I really didn’t realise just what a traumatic build up that lead to the the incident you described….. No more now, never be ashamed of needing help, friends will fully understand. We all need some help in our life times at one time or another.
I have seen your place and it is a great place and will make a beautiful home, If you need anything or help I will always be there for you to put the place in good order. Just give me the nod and you know I’ll do my best to do things and get things on track and completed. Do not be afraid to ask you know I really will not mind, and I’m sure most of you friends will feel the same. You’ve done brilliant since xmas so lets keep it up.. Love reading about you life even though some events take me by suprise and I genuinely feel for you, keep up the good writing and remember friends are out there!!! xxxx
Thanks, your so kind and very supportive. In a better place now, but, I was in a dark place and I would never put my self in a place like that again. Unfortunately things got to much for me. Looking back what a stupid thing for me to have done! I have great friends and I’m very lucky to have them. Thanks for reading blog 5. Xx
Hi Antonia
We met briefly on a bus and here I am reading an amazing story by an incredible human being.
I will make a nice cup of tea and read it again because my emtions were tuning in strongly to the ones you went through.
Lots of love.
Jazz
Hi Jazz,
Thank you for your kind words and thank you for reading blog 5 really appreciate that!
Antonia x
Hi Antonia, I believe I met this guy and you in the Steeles on a evening before a police visit. As you say the guy was of a gentle disposition and even though I have no experience in psycology I could see he was indeed in need of help and would be no danger to anyone. The system seems only geared up to deal with the ones that are a danger to others, that’s fine, so long as there is adequate help for the poor souls that are left to fend off any cruel bastard that would take advantage. No doubt there are quite a few of these leeches out there, and as you suggest there should be room to help these poor people within our NHS. It looks more and more like we as a nation and the government are become selfish in this respect. we save a couple of quid, but lose some poor folk like this guy. With the help he deserves, who knows he may well make a recovery and go on to be once again a successful buisiness man and finnish up employing a small army of employees all paying taxes and contributing to the national pot. I fear that some silly twat in in office fails to see these things and only spout on that they/ we have saved a few quid , Just to boost their electoral chances. Makes my blood boil and I’m all agitated now. BASTARDS. Sorry love speak soon, take care now xxxx
Hi Phil, thanks for reading blog 5, yes your right late afternoon at Sir Richards Steeles pub. There was a wake for a guy called Rob, who had past away. That guy who stormed in who wasn’t very well and made an announcement. Ha ha.. How could I forget- it was my tennant. Although he was harmless, he had locked me out of my house in the middle of winter-4 degrees! Neverless, thank god we still have NHS, most country’s don’t. But, it’s our goverment who are doing all the cut backs. Which affect NHS, after care, and mental health etc. We despise NHS, but, unfortunely it’s our goverment who fucked up. Forget, the drug company’s we are responsible because we follow what we read! And, then vote! (The drug company has an monopoly)
Best
Antonia xx
Hi Antonia.
You really ought to do emotions, they keep reminding one that they are not robotic and emoitionless sure they hurt you really bad sometimes and you feel oh so low, there again they can be exhilirating and exciting filling one with joy and anticipation wondering about what next ?, then bang another low more pain, but we are or should be a strong species ,let the self preservation kick in and we’ll cope ,it is a part of life that, I think, we as humans are meant to experience, it ‘s a part of what makes us what we are . Some of us go through a bad time and then go into hibernation not letting other people get near us emtionally that is. Is this a good thing or bad??
PHIL xxxx
Hi hun, your quite right things from life experience do have there ups and downs. And, it’s easy to be robotic I guest as humans beings it’s impossible although I’m sure you and I have come across robotic emotionless people. Ha ha thank you for reading blog 5. Is this a good thing or bad thing? Well I need to think about that one! Xx
ant,the nhs has been down the pan for yonks,drug companies rule the roost,its not for care in the community,its basically the drug baron the drug company overlord.more power to your pen.
Thank you for reading blog 5, maybe to a point, but, I think it’s fair to say NHS is controlled by our government. And, we have given our government power to control us! We blame NHS, what about the big boys… Our government! I think we should start looking close to home I.e history. Maybe this could give us ideas from the past… money/cutbacks has been repeated. Unfortunately it’s not and won’t be the first time NHS has been cut short!
Best
Antonia xx
Antonia, you will be shocked at the number of people with mental and emotional health disorders. One day we will have a better understanding of these problems.
Hi there, thank you for reading blog five, but, firstly thank you for your comment on mental health issues. It’s such a shame that Robin Williman past away, but, quite disturbing that mental health becomes a focal point. Mental health has been an issues for many years and yet our government cut backs with NHS. One of the things they cut back was mental health. Surly it’s not rocket science that if we had a better understanding, our we that selfish? wouldn’t England be a better place. Unfortunely, mental health gets put under the carpet. It’s time for someone and many more people to speak out! Xx
I have read Antonina blog twice with imminent interest, fascination and admiration. This blog cultivates a deep sense of empathy, resilience, self dicipline, a vehicle of what Life’s situations can place itself at your doorstop and all you can do is accept, challenge and be highly spirited in winning, and thus, this is why I see this day by day recall of events and personal internship involvement very necessary and uplifting to any reader in today’s society.
The blog piece grabbed me by the balls, because here is a woman who admits that everything that she was going through made her maintain a self prevalent understanding of what Life could throw at her, who she could count as able friends and who she had to recline too as “just associates” . We vist her wants, her needs, her weaknesses and most of all strengthens.
Antonia is able to captivate in her blog, an intelligence with British humor mixed in with North London elaborate “twang” very much in her writing, a sense of ultimate belief for those of you who know her!
After reading such an inspiring piece there is scope to where this can go. Antonia,a please think of me on this one!
“A truthful masterpiece”
Solse
I have read Antonina blog twice with imminent interest, fascination and admiration. This blog cultivates a deep sense of empathy, resilience, self dicipline, a vehicle of what Life’s situations can place itself at your doorstop and all you can do is accept, challenge and be highly spirited in winning, and thus, this is why I see this day by day recall of events and personal internship involvement very necessary and uplifting to any reader in today’s society.
The blog piece grabbed me by the balls, because here is a woman who admits that everything that she was going through made her maintain a self prevalent understanding of what Life could throw at her, who she could count as able friends and who she had to recline too as “just associates” . We vist her wants, her needs, her weaknesses and most of all strengthens.
Antonia is able to captivate in her blog, an intelligence with British humor mixed in with North London elaborate “twang” very much in her writing, a sense of ultimate belief for those of you who know her! All captured through her photographic expertise!
After reading such an inspiring piece there is scope to where this can go. Antonia,a please think of me on this one!
“A truthful masterpiece”
Solse
Know where you’re coming from, it is very true. the emoitionless people that is, lol. will discuss at a later date perhaps xxxx
Well actually, there are a lot of emotionless people!
Our government. Thank you for reading blog 5. Xx
Drugs are the be all and end all for doctors,you are so right as to looking for a safer alternative,drug companies are the main beneficiaries and if doctors were to embrace the complimentary therapies instead of blindly prescribing the drugs peddled by drug salesmen without knowing the side effects that patients suffer.More power to your pen.
Yes your quite right, unfortunately doctors tend to hand out tablets like smarties. More money for drug companies. It’s a vicious circle. Thank you for reading blog 5!.. Xx
This was the play you mentioned to me and I got the script for trying to act it out, but I was absolutely terrible, Trying to speak english with a foriegn accent, started out with a Serb accent and unknowingly slipped into sounding like some guy from India and finally doing the Jamacan bit. Good job I wasn’t doing it for real. As I said I was terrible,
I take my hat off to the fine actors that we have, they do a fantastic job of keeping we the public entertained with their amazing skills. The play sounded like a beautiful creation brilliantly worked by all involved. Thank you for telling us your thoughts on what must have been a wonderful evening. Take care X
Thank you for remembering that. I remember you telling me you try to get the accent- neverless still think you should had gone to the casting. Thanks for reading blog 5 sweetie. Xx
GREAT PLAY SEEN IT 4 TIMES,GETS BETTER EACH PERFORMANCE
Yes your right- the amount of people who said it was a fantastic play. Positive feed back thanks for reading blog 5. Xx
hi
At last, Mmm, How do I describe the last chapter on blog 5? Let me see………I know, it was like a Mills and Boon curry a bit sloppy but full of hot spicy stuff, Oops got a bit of something on my chest due to my encounter with the five fingered widow ha lol. Well done Antonia it’s always a pleasure reading about your lifes journey, keep it up. As always Phil Xxxx
hot to trot,that was more than earth moving you lucky thing,behave yourself
Yes, it was great especially yesterday. Thank you for reading blog 5. Xx
Loving it,looking forward to the next instalment,hope the carpet burn has repaired I know they can be very painful,try a sheepskin rug or a mink coat next time.
Thank you for reading bog 5, it gets better! X
Hi,
I recall the phone conversation following this incident but, not quite like the way you’ve described in your blog. Maybe you were trying to be kind ,only you know that.
However you wasn’t to know at that time just what a profound effect that phone call had on me. You see I have issues with fires and burning, some years ago I was driving down the M1 on a dull November morning when I saw a plume of smoke in the distance. I stopped the car and went to investigate not realising just what I was getting into and how it would effect my life. I came upon a car on fire, a family still inside. I won’t go into full details,it’s difficult, needless to say I was a major participent in the event. It left a small 10yr old boy fighting for his life. and me with my emotional equlibrium stretched to the ultimate level I went through counciling for months. I found out I was motivated by such episodes and not mortified. I still have episodes of negativity and probably always will. So when we talked about you being on fire I was a total wreck.
As I read blog 5 I stuggled to continue but did. I can’t say I enjoyed it like I have in the past but it was well written so keep up the good work. I shall endevour to read the outcome Although I already know, but events after that I may not. You never cease to amaze me with your life’s journey .
Phil Xxx
Hi phil, I remember we had this discussion about you rescuing a kid from a fire. ( I think he was 10yrs old) And another guy came to his aid after you got him and his family out of a car on fire. I so remembered the story like it was yesterday, but, I didn’t think you were treated well. I recorded that the other guy got the publicity and bleated lied in front of the camera’s regarding the fire, but, in fact it was you that went to save the kids life and risk your life. Didn’t the mother of the child have a relationship with that guy. Although, I think she was traumatised I think it’s almost a case of “stock home syndrome” although she wasn’t captured I guess the emotions were similar. Gosh, this conversation we had has come back to me. Didn’t it come out in the local newspaper? I’m sure it did? what people failed to realised was the other guy hadn’t really played his part in all of this . No mention of you running towards a car on fire to safe a lifes. You didn’t get recognition, but, if it happened again.. God forbid- you’ll will do the same thing again! I know you will it’s just you. Thank you for reading blog 5, your quite right I did mentioned this to you the following day this happened re wig. I think we were at our favourite place called “The Wells” and you and I were in stitches regarding my wig… Yes my only wig. I think I may have given you half of story… Yes I know why! You’ll see the story in blog 5 now.. Ha ha My gosh – speak soon and again thank you so much for reading blog 5. X.
Hi Antonia
I think you have got it a bit mixed up . Yes I did feel “shot down “at the ceromony. Things did get a bit muddled because I kept a very low profile during the hospitalisation period. I was a total wreck, and only described myself as “a rescuer” when making enquiries at the burns ward. Others were a bit more forthright, then things got a twisted and I felt Isolated. Yes it was me that went into that car and came out unscathed and me alone. No affair, but after awhile the dad did a runner with his insurance claim and hooked up with a Dutch girl. The mother contacted me a couple of years later and asked “who are you” she didn’t know that it was me who helped save her and me who saved her son.Tears are here
I will explain better the next time we bump into one another. Looking forward Xxx
Well thank God I do not have the legs of a rugby player. For that I am most grateful. Being something of a clothes horse, this would not be possible had I the above mentioned physique. Anyway, that apart, an interesting blog and kind words on my character my my friend Antonia Moore. However, I feel that she should have a stab with the pen at fiction as I feel too much introspection is not a great idea. We live in an age of self obsession, something I abhor. I have tried my hand at novel writing,’Landsavpe of a Woman’, now available on Amazon and iTunes and found the experience of writing it both therapeutic and stimulating. To create characters that live and take on a life of their own is deeply rewarding. Although set in the world of photography (something I know a fair ammount about) it is foremost a work of the imagination. With her life experiences I think Antonia could draw those to create a powerful work of fiction. Either way, good to see her pursue creative endeavours.
Byron Newman
Thanks Byron, your words are so kind and I’m also glad you don’t have rugby player legs. It just wouldn’t be you in fact you wear clothes rather than clothes wear you. I will for sure get your book ‘Landsavpe of a women’ because I know some of it is about me. Ha ha … Thank you for reading blog 5 xx
Bleeding hell Antonia, sounds like you’re easy mark for the head fuck scene. Come on girl you’re better and stronger than that and can deal with all that shit. I myself am a soft touch, but, only whilst I allow it, some folk think they know me, no chance, only a few do.
You seem to leave yourself wide open and judging by your blog get screwed for it, (head fucked I mean) . I know it is not easy to roll with the punches of life be we all must have experienced it. So here’s hoping that you can now roll easier and have found a smoother path, looking forward to reading more Xxx
Ha ha your right, but it does get better. I think the next one will surprise you…do I do another dance, I was excited about going to France… Did I make it? Well let’s see. Thank you for reading blog 5. Xx ps couldn’t write it!!!
Oh boy, making shapes!! Joes bar!! Atractive woman!! now that takes me back a little had some great times doing just that at at the same venue. Pity it stopped. might revive it in the near future, who knows? Times change people change, sometimes they have too, wether they like it or not. Choices eh who’d have them.Take a path in life and one has a 50/50 chance of getting it right. Keep the ink flowing love. Xxx
“Oh yes” we must catch up at Joes in Camden in the new year. Great times your right thou, times does change people. Then again maybe I should re-evaluate!… Some much to tell you- thanks for reading blog 5. Xx
It’s like I’ve always told you, you’re not a possession that someone should own, (control). In a genuine relationship the feeling of love from both parties begats trust and and respect.When trust is given and felt the need to control ceases to exist, and both parties have freedom to go out together and independantly and enjoy life, make choices, and do their own thing, Knowing they would not jepodise the relationship. Jealousy is a thing that can tear a relationship apart,but, once again if love, trust and respect exsit, jealousy can’t fester. So go out and live your life your way. Don’t look for particular aspects in a person or have a set of boxes that need to be ticked, all the things will someday find you, but you never know, they may have passed already. Keep warm (Ha!) as if, speak soon Xxx
You are so right it’s funny when you meet someone and your ambitious. But, then when you go into a relation-ship you could see there trying so hard to be manipulative. And before you know it… You’ve wasted so much time. Lucky for me I only got one way… On wards and up wards. I think your right I think it did pass me by ( the right box). Funny, when you mentioned ticked boxes. Ha ha, I miss that one. Thanks for reading blog five. Quite an ending? Xx control freak
Quite an ending? control freak? got to me that one!! Xxx
Well well well. Just made a discovery, speak later on that one.Xxx
Yes the penny did drop x
Yes quite a sad ending x
The very same wishes back at you. Bye now xxx
Thanks same to you. Xx
A very moving piece of writing and a sound testament to our need as human beings in the support of other humans. I hope this new year treats you as well as you deserve my love
Hi Derek, thank you so much and hope this is your year. Thank you for reading blog 5.
See you soon xx
It’s great that your house is now a home and it’s a great home full of warmth, “Not the heating side” though ha ha! You know what I mean, It really is a quite welcoming atmosphere, as one enters.
It is a very addictive activity trying to track down a wild creature and trying to capture that wonderful image and thinking wow I did that, I do it all the time when I go on my vacations. You spot the subject and the game is on, sneaking around trying to get the shot. Looking through the lens and just muttering to your self and hoping that the subject will listen. “Just turn a little, that’s it look up look up ah great now just…………SHIT its scarpered not to be seen again this trip. Its is exhilarating and exciting tho. I myself am not a photographer but I do try to keep it keep it natural but with very little success I always but always go for that perfect “portrait”. that’s a habit I’m going to get out of. Also I don’t a massive zoom that can pick up a boil on a gnats bollocks. so I do have to go around commando style but that is the good part. So enjoy your future shooting of the wild, and see you soon Xxxx
Gosh, you so right – just when I thought brilliant I’d get the perfect shot, then the monkeys scarpered like Schumacher and your heart pounding with excitement and wondering will I be lucky the following morning. Unfortunately, the monkeys were ahead of me, they were smart – I think they sensed that I was looking for them. The cheeky monkeys were so smart. But- I was lucky to get one shot when the monkey was looking though the window staring at me. Your right it’s very additive trying to capture the moment of wild life. I didn’t know you like wild life- that’s fantastic Thank you for reading blog 5 xx
Yes I was a member of the wwf some years ago doing stake outs and observations, counts and so on. It’s not called that any longer it’s w.w.w. Like I’ve said in the past not a lot of people really know me, my life has gone from one extreme to the other. Sometimes getting a mix in between. Having divulged that bit I assure you I’m not a bad person on the whole. Some would say quite the opposite and that’s the side I like, and try my very best to keep it that way, had a lot of success too as you no doubt will have gathered. So no worries please Xxx
Hi Antonia, just got home feeling rather ill, ( have been all week really just went from bad to worse). Anyway I read your blog and it cheered me up a little, sounds such an idyllic place to visit, If you did see a snake then you can be certain that it would have been a carelessly released non native species probably of the boa ilk, as I do know that Barbados only has 1 species of snake, a tiny, about 4inches harmless one. May put Barbados on my list. My recent hols have been big road trips taking in quite a few states, same this year but well north in America. Your blog has inspired me to take a chill out big time holiday sometime in the future.
You clever girl !! what a photo, nigh on the perfect portrait and this guy/girl just posed for you, man a real gift, and your subject looks so relaxed through it all as if to say if you’ve got it girl flaunt it. A cracking picture. Looking forward to learning more about Barbados never been there but you may persuade me that Barbados is the place to visit for such a holiday visit. Xxx
Hi Phill, sorry your not well and I hope you have a speedy recovery. Still have that image of a snake ha ha thats good to know that snakes in Barbadus, wasn’t poisonous- thanks for that. I would definitely recommend Barbados! For sure. There is so much wild life to see and places to go to. The people are so layed back, where as we on the whole we need things done yesterday or now. Being in Barbados, gave me time to think and breath. You really should visit and take pixs. I’d bet you managed to take more pixs of the monkey then I did. Thank you for the comment re monkey. Get better and drink plenty of fluids warm water, ginger and galic and stay off dairy products. . Thanks for reading blog 5 – take care now. 😔 xx